Hello, My Game Is ...
2018. My life has changed direction. This has been happening, but it really just slapped me in the face - it really just began to manifest after returning from a retreat out of DC this past weekend that helped me to refocus. It was centered around branding yourself and strengthening that brand. It was centered around actually being able to build and maintain a profitable business and enjoying it while you do it. I was able to learn. I was able to grow. I was able to listen. I was able to listen and gain intimate insight from tons of business owners. BLACK business owners, YOUNG business owners, NEW business owners. Business owners that looked like me, dressed like me, talked like me, had similar upbringings and backgrounds…even went through some of the same mental health struggles.
So obviously :) I am enlightened, I am inspired and I want to share this with you. So to put it simply...
Sometimes, in life, you have to take a step back and realize that while you think you’re the shit. You’re not. In fact, you’ve got a ways to go before you even get there...and when you “get there” you realize that there’s no such thing. Like none. Like actually.. someone will always be doing something better, faster, smarter and differently than you. The only difference is YOU.
In case you haven’t figured it out yet, you’re better than no one and no one is better than you. I had to learn this the hard way, and I know..I know.. if you know me this sounds absurd, but it’s true. There was a period of time where I truly thought that because I had realized my purpose and what drives me and that I had a want, hadn’t even done, mind you, but just had a want to fulfill my purpose, that I was above those who hadn’t. So I had to take a major look at myself in the mirror and say a few things. A few things that went kind of like this....
- First of all, you know YOUR purpose. You don’t know anyone else’s and you don’t know that just because they haven’t voiced it to YOU that they haven’t figured theirs out. Sit down.
- Second of all, whether or not you plan to be where you are for long. You’re there. With them. In the same place. Doing the same things. Sit down.
- Finally, no matter what your title is with this purpose and in this process, you will always be who you are. You will always have worked where you did. You will always have met, known and spent time with the people around you. You will always have the experiences you’ve had. So no matter whether you’re the CEO, the Co-Founder or the fucking boss - you’re still Amber Denise Snearl, born in a small country city in Kansas, raised by ya mama, wrapped in black skin, sprouting curly hair, sounding how you do, looking how you look and existing as such. Sit…down.
You read ALL of that, right? I hope so. Those three pivotal moments in thought were the moments in my life this year that changed my entire outlook on who I was and what I was capable of... if I just humbled myself. If I just got realistic. If I just noticed and accepted that fulfilling my purpose would take work. I mean real, hard, invested work. Everything that I have envisioned would come to fruition.
I remember that moment. In the mirror. I remember coming back to Earth, I stopped for a moment and thought, well maybe I should chill on this. You know? Cuz it’s so much work...but before I even got up to leave the mirror, I heard myself... I heard “Oh, so you’re just going to be regular??? You know that’s not you, right?”
...and you know what, It wasn’t until writing this that I even noticed, that wasn’t me. That was God.
Yes, that was G.O.D.
So swift transition here -
I’m listening to this A$AP Rocky song from his new album, “Testing” (ha, right after I mention my talk with God..this is not a series of events by the way…but wait why I am explaining myself? This is my….) Ok. So I was listening to this A$AP Rocky song and this line struck a nerve with me. He says in one of his songs “I don’t give a fuck about a listen! Ya heard?” Ok, so I liked that. A lot. I played it back once and then I played it back again and I pushed back and said wow - me either. I think what he was saying here was, look, I’m going to do what I love and the listeners will come. I applied this to my life (ha - all y’all anti rap busters saying rap isn’t about anything, psssch. Learning life lessons and shit) but all jokes aside, I just learned an important lesson. One that I had heard before, but not really HEARD before.
So from now on, I’m going to do what I love. All of the money, the followers, the likes, the influence, the reach, the comments, etc…etc will come. I’m just going to focus and grind on what I love. I’m going to take the steps to challenge myself and fill up my tool box, and then empty it, and refill it…and then do it again…and again…and again.
I will do this. I will be great at this.
I will work for this.
I’m not there yet - and I may not be soon, but I will be. I call this place bliss, because even though I’m not where I want to be in this moment, the realization is stronger than anything. It’s the driving force.
You see Once you’ve been so low - I mean so low, to the point that you’re looking in the mirror, you’re under the influence and you realize - damn. I never want to feel like this again. I’m looking at “myself” and I see this reflection staring back that looks like me, her hair is like mine, she has my face, and touch and movements and she even sounds like me, but yo? Who is she? What is she doing and what will she do next?
Yea…that’s when. That’s when you know. That’s when she knew. That’s when I knew. I had all of this potential, all of these smarts, all of these resources knocking on my door and I had to do more with them to do what I was put here to do.
My outlook on life and why I was here and what I had to do to stay here? Oh, it hasn’t been the same since.
When all else fails:
Side note: I just got back from this retreat like two days ago...soo lol this shows you how impactful this was.
Until next time. XOXO -Ams